I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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