guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize