i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
