If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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