I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
