he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
