shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
