In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
