bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
