I want to walk on stilts...naked
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
