a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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