Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
