But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
