I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
