so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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