I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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