decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They have beer where we have blood.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
