So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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