My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
