I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
