oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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