Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
