I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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