I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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