i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
