You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
