I puked a lego.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize