If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I could fuck to npr.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
