I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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