I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
