Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have aggressive nipples.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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