I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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