every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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