You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I could fuck to npr.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
