Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i believe in u and ur pee
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