He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My feet surprised me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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