upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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