He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
