i will never coherently bang her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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