doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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