I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
