I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
