i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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