just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
