Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
