Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
