is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize