Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
