I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
