it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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