I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
