don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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