I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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