wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize