i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
