They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
