just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
