I love black thongs
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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