Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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