yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
