Don't make out with my wife yet
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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