Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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