What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
