Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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