so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
