I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i now understand why vodka
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
