wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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