You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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