He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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