moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
