he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
