saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
