Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
