Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
