He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I could make wine with my vomit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
