I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize