i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
