He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
