Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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