Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want nice things and good sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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