She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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