There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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